I've
been talking sex quite a bit this past year with our three-year-old.
Most recently, at almost four, the conversation has focused a lot on
conception and birth, primarily because she'd love for us to make
another baby, and also because she's been wanting to look at pictures
from when she was very little, including in my womb. We look at pictures
of my big pregnant belly and those documenting her birth. She gets that
it hurts to push a baby out of a tiny vagina.
Because
we've been teaching her the correct names for all body parts, she is
quite comfortable with the concepts of penis and vagina. I've explained
to her that papa's penis enters mama's vagina where it releases tiny
sperm cells that swim as best as they can to find an egg in my womb.
Anatomically this seems to make good sense to her; she came upon my
husband and I one weekend afternoon in bed with him on top of me in fact
trying to conceive a child (and no; I haven't gone into different
positions with her). In terms of what happens inside my body, she in
fact seems to grasp quite beautifully the internal encounter of the
sperm and the egg, as I report in this post.
About a year ago, her interest was more on the various parts of the genitals. As I write about here,
she came across me trimming my pubic hair one day and got curious about
my labia. She was so proud when she found and could name her own as
well. This more focused interest in genitals got me to track down and
review books about it aimed to children. You can find my review of these
books here.
As I point out, books featuring the correct terms for genitals as well
as positive, informative illustrations are sorely lacking. I have found
the photo study book I'll Show You Mine to
be one of the most helpful books in terms of pointing out all parts of
the vulva to her, including the inner and outer labia, clitoris, and
vagina. From time to time she'll ask if we can look at this book again together.
Speak
soon and speak often, recommend sex educators. Don't assume that
something that's been explained and grasped once is entirely processed
and absorbed. And forget about the awkward "Talk" and make it into a
lifelong conversation that starts in the child's first year of life when
teaching her all the correct terms for the different parts of her body,
including her genitals, and encouraging her to feel good about her body
and her exploration of her body, including her genitals. Positive touch
is essential. Bath time and diaper changes are good teaching
opportunities when they are very little. The curiosity of toddlers and
preschoolers will keep the conversation going.
I don't
expect my child to understand all about the ins and outs of intercourse
and conception, menstruation and masturbation, but because we've started
the conversation and already talked to her about how babies are made
and what it means when I bleed and how self-touch feels good and how she
too will grow pubic hair and breasts, and so on, we can know that by
the time she enters adolescence, she will be that much more informed and
empowered to honor her own body and the bodies of others.
For more, check out these readings:
Children and Their Genitals: Fostering a Positive Relationship
Brief
synopses of books that are available to help teach girls and boys about
their bodies and human sexuality. The article looks at books aimed at
children in various age groups, from preschool years and up through
pre-adolescence and adolescence. The books cover such topics as anatomy,
reproduction, pregnancy, privacy, birth, puberty, and the differences
between boys and girls.
Talk with Your Kids about Masturbation
Featuring advice on how to talk with your kids about self-pleasuring and masturbation from they are toddlers to teenagers.
Talking to Your Kids About Your Sex Toys
My
advice on how to talk to your kids about your sex toys is quoted at
length in this post by sex educator Dr. Charlie Glickman.
Teaching My Toddler about Her Yoni
A post on how teaching my toddler about the labia, mine and hers included, empowered both her and me.
If You Want Your Sex Talk to Stay in the Family
This post features advice to parents who recognize the importance in talking with their kids about sex, but who prefer their sex talk to stay in the family.
The Miracle of Life
Write-up of watching The Miracle of Life
with our three-year-old child. This stunning documentary feature
timeless internal photographs by Swedish photographer Lennart Nilsson
following sperms on their journey, the development of the egg, and their
ultimate encounter, which our daughter replicated in drawing a few
days after we watched this film.
Ready, Set, Grow! A "What's Happening to My Body?" Book for Younger Girls
My review of this book aimed at girls ages eight to eleven.
The Period Book: Everything You Don't Want to Ask (But Need to Know)
My review of this book written for pre-adolescent and adolescent girls.
What's Going on Down There? Answers to Questions Boys Find Hard to Ask
My review of this book aimed at pubescent boys.
I'll Show You Mine
My review of this amazing photo study of sixty women’s genitals embracing the diversity of the vulvae.
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